green mage
by Riderpool
Summary: started as a bad story and...since it has not been taken down, the 2nd chapter
1. just a thought

Chapter one:

White mage + Spice of Hulk Green mage

Disclaimer: 8-bit theatre and she hulk belong to respective owners. If I had them I would have a killer job instead of having to work for my parents to pay my cell phone and credit card bill.. THe girl scouts of america own my last summer vacation ever and most of my self esteem, so it seems fair I attack them in this story

I have decided to recheck and introduce the characters to people who have never heard of 8 bit theatre.

Story: 4 losers trick a king with the IQ of a lima bean into thinking they are the legendary light warriors.

Characters

Black Mage: Imagine death incarnate with the fuse of a time bomb. Black mage is the epidamy of evil. He even ruled hell for a few hours. he is the reason this story started. he also is a vile evil man. there is no more to say.

Fighter: Look up the word mentally challenge, now listen to fighter, congratulations you're now mentally challenged. To listen or even be near him is like being near a dumb ass ray. this man tried to kill a vampire with a steak ( no not a wooden stake, or even a T bone, HE TOOK A COW, SET IT ON FIRE AND HIT A VAMPIRE WITH IT). he wants sword chucks, and also he has (literally) been stabbed in the back by black mage so many times his skull is impervious to fractures and injury.

Thief: First off, if you see him don't talk to him. he will swindle or steal your money in an instant. this guy is the preverbial definition of the scam artist. While pirates will steal stuff that is not nailed down, Thief will steal everything nailed, glued, or even cemented on the ground or wall.

Red Mage: He is that guy in high school, you know the guy, he plays D&D nonstop, he got picked on by all the other kids, even other nerds laughed at him. He always pulls his stats in other ways to miraculously save everyone... except himself. He always has a EXP addicti...

RM: No I don't.

Riderkid:... Yes you do.

RM: _No, _I don't.

Riderkid:... Look! a 4 EXP mini quest.

RM: WHERE! WHERE!!!

Riderkid: over there! beat up the girl scouts!

(He attacks the girl scouts, and gets the EXP)

RM: Oh yeah baby, Give daddy his medicine!!!!!!!!

Rider kid: I rest my case

White mage: The kindest soul i have ever seen. i takes a lot to make here mad at anyone, Except BM. she is a master at healing and a hell of a hit with her mallet.

Black Belt:... Dead

Gartland: Stupid as a rock, and squirrels are after him.

King steve: he thinks you have to be elected to be king ( by the way, the cafeteria mac and cheese is ahead in the poles... that was not a joke, sad huh?).

Judy: princess. daughter of king steve. sadly the only real intelligent villain in the whole story.

Now onto are story

Area woods, location : who knows ( seriously they are lost. )

Our 'Heroes' are stuck in a forest in god knows where because red mages tracking skills are total crap, and Thief is to cheap to buy or steal a map, so they set up camp for the knight... at 12 in the afternoon. Black mage dumped the rose petals into the pot, he got the spell he was working on from a a shop keep for free (He actually killed the shopkeep, stole the spell and burned the store along with a hospital to the ground... don't ask bout the hospital.) All he needed now was some hair of the person the spell was for... then he realizes he has no hair of white mage's.

BM:...Damn IT!! it says to keep stirring but i have to get the hair.

He had three choices

1. Give up.

2. Ask fighter

3. get a rabid hyena and ask it.

He decided to ask fighter ( Should have went with 3 ). he found fighter staring into the sun ( yes he's that stupid... READ THE COMIC PEOPLE!!!!).

BM: Hey fighter?

Fighter:... (Still lookin at sun)

BM: (upset) Fighter?

Fighter... (Still a retard looking into the sun)

BM: (Cencored pissed off) FIGHTER YOU RETARD PIECE OF DOG SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Fighter (still in his own world)...yeah?

BM: (CPO)...look, i need you to stir this pot while i go ste... i mean ask white mage for some of her hair, Okay?

Fighter: (As cheerful as a kid) K!!!!

BM walks off.

BM:... maybe the hyena would have been a better choice.

At the pot Fighter is stirring but thinking ( this is a bad thing folks) that it smells bad so he rummages through Black mages bag while he stirs... don't ask. He finds  
all these different spice jars. Spice of wolf, spice of tiger, Spice of hulk. He smells them all and chooses the spice of hulk (because it smelled pretty). a few minutes later BM comes back.

BM: Man! shes got a right hook. ( Sniffs pot) You did not add anything right?

( Once again, fighter is a total Retard... no not like the kid in class. he is totally oblivious to the world around him )

Fighter: No.

BM: Okay (adds hair and says the magic words which oddly are the words to billy joels we didn't start the fire) Hmmm that should have worked. Damn thing must be a dud.

Across the forest

White mage pissed of completely at BM, HE could be so immature. She then buckled over in pain as her eyes turned green and her body started to fill out. her hair got longer and turned a shade of violet. her legs got longer as her skin turned leaf green. her chest filled out to about a C cup but not enought to destroy her robe. her arms lost their baby fat and got a little bit of muscle. By the time the transformation was over she looked like a green super model in one of those fanta girl dresses than a white mage.

WM: I don't know why... but i have some reason to believe black amge is the reason behind this ( rests her hand on a tree and accidently pushes it over and after that happens she get a seductive yet evil cmile on here face)... You know this might not be a bad thing

Next time: BM meets the new white mage, Fighter acts like a moron, and oh there will hopefully be a werehamster.

I know, no big improvement. I lost my job in february, and i recently checked my folders and found this and the start of Chapter 2 of this story. I will get back to writing now thanks to the encouragement of my friends. I also might get into competative eating. the sad part is I'm not a werewolf yet so George Bush is safe ( from me not shin goji )

please review. i know i did a lot of useless writing but be honest if i should continue? oh yeah and who should the werehamster be?

Gartland

or king steve

sorry I got plans for the others

Words that might have confused

Black MageBM

White mageWM

red MageRM

FighterMoron

Thief Scam Artist

CPSCensored pissed off

( also, no offense to people who do play D&D. i have played the game before... then i gave up. I still play magic the gathering and final fantasy. also any anime or Final Fantasy morph stories yu guys want just email me up or IM me on yahoo. i will do FF VII through X and maybe even ranma


	2. enter the hamster

Chapter 2

Enter... the werehamster

Disclaimer: Insert characters and all the legal hibbity here.

the updates might space out a bit. My new update sched is once a month so i can focus on my sheep and other animals. we recently had 5 additions to the family.

at request i'll post the pictures.

(THe forest...Duh)

The "light warriors" are all doing various things, RM is trying to perfect his stats, Thief is scamming Telemarketing gnomes, BM Is wondering why his spell is not working and fighter is... you know what? you don't want to know, to know would blow your minds and make you want George bush in office til 2012.All of a sudden...

Crash

Thief... That was the worst sound effect in the world.

Aut: Bite me

Where 3 trees were once standing is a emerald goddess in a cloak/ minidress that looked, in this order, mad, happy, and ready to kill black mage, not in that order though, and the only things someone could say is...

Fighter: Yeah, The jolly green giant is here to give us free veggies.

BM looks at fighter then at green mage.

BM: pleasae if you're gonna kill us, kill him first, please, make it a last request.

Green mage just looks at him very confused.

GM: Why would i do that?

BM(Confused): Uh because you're a green goddess and for some reason we pissed you off.

Green mage:(they have no idea its me, White mage...)

RM: I actually now know its you WM.

Everyone looks at RM like a deer in headlights.

GM: H.H.how did?

RM: I focused all my stats into mind reading and crochet.

BM. I understand telepathy... But Crochet?

RM: Ihavemyreasons!

BM:So...(insert own sexual innuendo here).

Know before we get to BMs ass kick lets reali... you know what? screw it.

(Insert random violence)

BM: wait why didn't it work?

Green mage stop random violence on BM.

GM: (halfpissed) WHAT DIDN'T WORK?

BM:...the love potion.

Gm:You're the reason im like this?

BM: No, i made a love potion. Not a green amazon hulk potion.

Fighter then says something totally unexpected.

Fighter hulk, Hey Black mage isn't hulk a spice in your bag?

BM: well yeah but only a comple... you dumped it in didn't you?

Fighter:(happy as a baby sheep) Yeah, why(smiles)?

BM looks at him with murderous rage while GM is torn between killing BM for making the potion and fighter for... well, being himself., a gian hamster appears out of nowhere.

Hamster: (random hamster noises)

RM: So its true, this is the legendary werehamster forest, don't worry i'll just put all my stats into silver weapon making a...

RM falls over cause he also took away all his intelligence leaving him a vegetable.

GM: Oh screw this.

She picks up the werehamster and kicks him over the horizon.

BM o my god... You wanna join us.

GM thought about it, on one hand she would be teaming up with the worst human being on the planet, on the upside she could split hotel cost and save her some gil.

GM: Well...ok. But im laying down some ground rules.

1. no peeking when i change clothes

2. Any sexual remarks or innuendos and i kick you're ass

3. i get the top bunk at hotels.

BM,RMand fighter: okay.

Thief: OK but first i need you to sign this seemingly innocent contract.

GM: alright.

GM signs it not knowing whats on it. even I don't know whats on it. And i write the story.

Thief: Very well we are once again on are journey.

GM: great where we going?

Thief: ...I actually haven't gotten that far.

GM,BM and red mage: WHAT???????

Fighter: Happy summer everyone.

Next time: The search for a quest or the hunt for jar jar binks.

I know a little late. I have been so busy lately. i'm trying to get ready for Connecticon next month and its really hard. if anyones going, give me a holla. also i have a myspace account now at and now something completely different.

The adventures of king steve

Episode .5 : the worst present 3v3r

King steve is outside his daughters room.

Steve: Dear you know how you wanted a pony?

Judy: Dad i was five at the time.

King Steve: and what are you now, what, 7,6?

Judy: (sigh) 21 dad.

King Steve: Well I got him really cheap at the horse store

Earlier in the day

King Steve is outside the Horse Store _Not really dangerous animal and monstrousities_

Back to now.

Judy: well let's at least see it.

She steps out of her room to see the "horse"... It's the werehamster from earlier.

King Steve: well i know you 2 will get along nicely. I have to go see how i'm fairing in the polls. That damn brick is catching up in the races.

The Werehamster and judy stare at each other... The WH growls at her. She barely moves.

Judy: Growl at me agian and i will make you're life worse than a movie directed by uwe boll.

The WH cringes.

Judy: Now it begins...

King steve walks in naked covered in chocolate pudding.

King SteveL Oh, one mo...

Judy and the WH are looking at him in a state of shock and creeped outness.

King Steve: You're probably wondering why im naked and covered in chocolate pudding right.

They are still shocked.

King Steve: i think i'll leave now.

he leaves...they look at each other.

Judy: That never happened.

WH growls in agreement.

THey head into her room.

TBC

Thats it. i finished this chapter and mini story in 1 hour ( and it shows). like i said i'll be at connecticon. i should be easy to spot. justlook at my myspace account on the address above. not asking every one to see it. also love the new group photo havoc, and the Evahulk series Nescaro.

Good night and see ya next month.


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